10 sure signs that you're living in Studentsville...

• You walk past 3 smurfs, a cowboy and a full-grown man in a nappy on the walk home and don't bat an eye-lid.
• Non-student houses stick out like a sore thumb. They are most easily identified by the prescence of actual living shrubbery in their gardens and the absense of beer can pyramids in their front windows.
• During periods of cold weather your main concern isn't the possibility of slipping on black ice but frozen vomit (you may think I'm exaggerating but this happened to a friend of mine, not a nice way to start the morning. Well, not nice for them. Amusing for the rest of us? Very).
• There are more off-licences then there are places to do your weekly shop. Leaving you happily drunk most of the time but probably slightly malnourished. Better hope that cider counts as one of your five a day.
• You don't know your next-door neighbour's name but thanks to mercilessly thin walls you are fully aware of what they sound like during sex. Yes, I'm talking to you Mr Grunts-a-lot.
• 'Morning' rush hour isn't untill midday, anybody seen before this time is still in last nights clothes, stinking of booze and commiting the dreaded walk of shame.
• There is a notable absense of fine-dining establishments. There is however a broad range of places where you can pick up a fried chicken meal for under three quid (salmonella comes free of charge).
• On the way to 9am lectures you face an assault course of unconscious students, empty beer cans and fast-food debris (no doubt the result of someone's drunken late night stop at the aforementioned chicken eatery).
• The term "Hoodie" no longer refers to Adidas-clad chavs but to Rah's sporting the latest Jack Wills hooded gilet, generally going by names such as Tarquin and Beatrice. (On a personal note I would like to point out to any such people that a "gilet" is simply a bodywarmer- and giving it a french name does not and will not, change that.)
• There are more road signs in your front room than there is left on the roads.

So they aren't the classiest of places and they're not particurlarly child-friendly, but isn't that the point? It's the last time in our lives where we can live this way, going out on a Monday night, stumbling home chicken in hand and preceding to have loud sex for all the neighbours to hear. Yes, student areas are shit-holes. But they are OUR shit-holes. And we wouldn't have it any other way. Chicken anyone?

*Special recognition must go out to Miss Harri Bryant here, who helped me think of ideas so that she didn't have to work on her dissertation!*

How Basic Is Too Basic?

*This is the uncensored version of my first ever published piece of work, published in The University of Birmingham's student newspaper Redbrick. You can also find it, minus mildy offencive jokes (Sorry rah's), at http://www.redbrickpaper.co.uk/2011/03/how-basic-is-too-basic/ Enjoy!*

How Basic is too Basic?

As students we aren’t the richest of social groups, (except those of us who have access to Daddy’s credit card, perhaps). Therefore we are forced to make decisions on when to splurge and when to save and with necessities such as course books (ok, I lie… clothes and alcohol), eating up our budget, our diet is often the first thing to suffer.

For example, I had a housemate last year who survived solely on a diet of sausage sandwiches, though whether this was due to an over-whelming love of pig products, or an attempt to live frugally I was never sure. For those of us that wish to shop cheaply, but still desire a slightly higher level of variety than pork and more pork (and to be fair, I don’t think this is unreasonable!) then buying a supermarket’s own brands might be the way to go. Despite the substantial savings however, I have noticed that there is sometimes a stigma attached to these products. A friend of mine once looked at me with absolute horror as I picked up a Tesco value item, almost shaming me into putting it back on the shelf. So, I have to ask- is this just the result of food snobbery, or are we compromising our food standards by buying cheaper, and if so, how much?

Now, I’m not actually ashamed to admit I do, at times, buy value foods. For example, I just can’t bring myself to spend a whopping £1.95 on a bottle of Heinz Ketchup when I can get a bottle of Tesco value ketchup, exactly the same size, for 25p. That’s a whopping 8 times cheaper! (And by my calculations, almost enough to buy a pint of snakebite at Fab). Ok, so the packaging isn’t quite as nice to look at but unlike Andy Warhol I can’t say I’m too fussed about that. I checked the ingredients for nasty surprises but found nothing and after a little bit of research I found the nutritional value to be practically the same, and sometimes even slightly better. Tomato ketchup enthusiasts may argue that there is a slight taste difference, but not enough in my opinion to warrant the difference in price.

This said, I am aware that standards differ from product to product. My encounter with Tesco value sausages for example, was one of a less positive nature- appear as they did to contain more breadcrumbs than meat, to the point where I started to wonder if they could be marketed as suitable for vegetarians. And of course, any of you used to shopping at Harrods or eating only Tesco Finest may be in for a shock but we are after all, lowly students and on the whole, I have found my experience of own brand products to be happy enough. It may be a matter of trial and error but if it ultimately leaves my bank account looking happier, then it does me. The trick, I would argue, is to be vigilant in your shopping, check the nutrition of what you are buying and if it’s 10p cheaper but has got 10 times the fat then maybe it‘s time to go more middle of the road than bargain basement. If there’s little difference nutritionally or taste wise, or you think the difference isn’t worth getting in the red for, then buy basic and be proud of your thrifty ways! There is after all, enough pressure to buy designer labels. without being forced to buy designer food and buying cheap (when it doesn‘t leave you fat or mal-nourished) may be worth it if it allows you to spend more of your money on the things that matter… like those new shoes you saw in Top Shop…